Criminology for Dummies
by darkladywolf
Summary: AU- "Hey, what about Ren Kouen?" Sakura huffed. "He's cocky, egotistic and audacious. I'm fine as long as he stays out of my way." *I do not own Naruto and/or Magi*


"Blunt force trauma on the head, multiple slashes all over the arms, stab wounds on the chest and stomach, slashed throat." listed off the young woman as she took off her glasses and glanced at the two detectives listening to her attentively. "The hit at the back of the head was dealt in order to render the victim unconscious. Didn't work out as the killer wanted. These slashes are defensive wounds; the victim put up quite a fight by the looks of it." she continued as she traced the cuts with her gloved fingers. "The stab wounds are the most interesting part. Whoever held the knife, put so much force behind their strikes that the blade pierced through the flesh and went all the way out from the back. Whoever did this was probably extremely angry at our guy." she said, motioning to the dead body laying motionlessly on the examination table. "The slashed throat was the finishing blow. The force behind the hand holding the knife was so great I'm surprised it didn't decapitate the head." she finished, turning fully towards the two people standing a couple of feet away from her.

A long-haired brunette nodded, his face impassive. "Thank you, Dr. Haruno."

Sakura smiled at him. "Anytime, Detective Hyuuga. And please, Sakura is just fine. That's all I can offer you for now. I'll have to complete the autopsy before I can give you more detailed and specific information."

"It's alright, Sakura." said Tenten with a smile. "What you just told us gives us enough clues to add another suspect to our list. We should definitely pay the wife and her boyfriend a visit."

"Glad to help. Now, if you'll excuse me….This guy and I have a lot of things to tell each other." she said, referring to the murder victim on the cold stainless steel of the examination table.

"Right. We better get going. We still need to interrogate the victim's brother and get a search warrant for his house."

"Still haven't found the murder weapon?" asked Sakura with her back turned to them as she continued to prepare everything she would need for the autopsy.

"Unfortunately, we haven't. That's why we need to search the brother's house. We were told by close friends that he was holding a grudge against our victim because of inheritance issues. The fact that he has been having an affair with the victim's wife for a few years now doesn't help his case at all."

"Well, judging by the width and depth of the stab wounds, I'd advise you to look for a Chef's Knife, size 10."

"Thanks, Saks. See you at lunch!" yelled Tenten as she and her partner left the autopsy room, leaving the young forensic pathologist all alone. Well, as alone as someone could feel in a room full of murder victims.

Sakura moved around the room silently, preparing the tools she would need in order to perform the autopsy. She hummed a soft, calming tune under her breath as she picked out the scalpels she was going to use. The room was usually cold and painted white, a sterile smell lingering in the air at all times. Not the merriest of working environments-especially if one considered that her usual company consisted of people that didn't draw breath-but still one that Sakura was used to and-she dared say-felt comfortable in. After 5 years of working for the Konoha Police Department, the young woman was used to the silence and morbidity that came with being a forensic medical examiner. Putting on her glasses and slipping on a new pair of surgical gloves, she picked up a scalpel and turned to the male on her table.

"It's just the two of us now, buddy. It's about time you told me some of your secrets….."

XxxOxOxOxxX

"And then he proceeded to grab the waitress's butt! Can you believe it? I was standing right beside him!"

The company of girls laughed at their friend's distressed expression as she described another one of her failed dates.

Sakura giggled as she added some more lemon juice to her salad. "I warned you, Ino. Arranging dates online with people that you have never met before doesn't always work out. Scratch that; it almost never works out."

"But he sounded so nice!" whined the blonde.

"You say that about every guy, Ino!" argued Tenten from across the lunch table as she bit into her apple. "Seriously, it seems like your rational thinking flies out the window as far as the opposite sex is concerned."

"To think that you're a police officer, Pig. Who in their right mind would go out with people they only know through a chat room? They could be murderers or rapists or God-knows-what!"

"Sweetheart, that's exactly the thrill of it!" retorted Ino with a wide smirk playing on her lips. "A mysterious, handsome stranger you have never met before. Who is he? What secrets could he be hiding?" continued the blonde police officer with that certain spark in her eyes that she only got when she was excited about something.

Sakura resisted the urge to slap her forehead at her friend's lack of self-preservation instincts. "This is not a movie, Pig. I hate to burst your bubble, but werewolves and vampires are not real and you are not going to live a romantic adventure with a member of the supernatural." she said, matter-of-factly and sighed when her blonde friend pouted.

"You sure know how to kill the mood, don't you Forehead?" she said before crossing her arms across her chest. "Well, at least I have some interaction with actual, _living_ men."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"That, Forehead, means that you need to get a boyfriend."

Sakura released a long-suffering sigh. "We've been over this a thousand times, Ino."

"Yeah, and every single time you throw the same lame excuse. Your life doesn't revolve around work, you know."

The young pink-haired woman rolled her eyes. "Can we drop this?"

"No we can't!" argued Ino. "I'm sick of watching you spend your days in that lab of yours." The blonde turned to their brunette friend sitting across from them, watching them in amusement while enjoying her lunch. "Back me up here, Tenten!"

The woman raised her arms in mock-surrender. "Don't drag me into this, Ino. It's far more amusing watching you two bicker."

"Thanks Ten. That was so helpful…." she answered sarcastically before turning to the pink-haired woman once more. "But I insist. You need to get a man in your life, Sakura. You work for KPD, for crying out loud! The place is full of good-looking men, who would be more than happy to show you the true meaning of life."

"Drop it, Ino. I'm not interested."

Apparently, her words fell on deaf ears since her persistent friend continued without paying her any mind. "Let's see." she started with a finger placed against her chin in thought. "Officer Hatake is pretty hot but I wouldn't go for him, unless you want Anko on your case which you definitely don't."

Sakura almost choked on her water. "Ino! Kakashi was my supervisor when I first got transferred here. That would be so wrong on so many levels!" Also, Ino was right. Challenging Anko was like deliberately jumping in a shark-infested pool. Scratch that; she would take the sharks any day…..

"Then there is that hunk, Masrur. Oh, I'd definitely want to be held in his arms!" said Ino with a wide smirk and a wink.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Not my type."

"Since when do you even have a type?"

The pink-haired woman glared at her friend. "I'm not even going to answer that….."

"Alright, alright! Geez…..What about Officer Saluja? He's cute…"

"No. A bit young for me. He also has a major crush on my trainee, Morgiana-chan."

"The man's like four years younger than you, Sakura. It's not that big of a difference…."

"I said no, Ino."

"Hey, what about Detective Ren?" threw in Tenten.

At the sound of that name Sakura scowled and huffed, crossing her arms stubbornly across her chest and turned her head away, earning questioning stares from her brown-haired friend.

"Did I say something wrong?"

Ino tried to muffle her giggles with her hand, though she wasn't very successful at it. "You just mentioned the taboo name in front of Sakura, my dear Tenten."

"Huh? Ren Kouen?"

"Our friend, Cherry, here" she said, patting Sakura's back "absolutely hates the man's guts."

Sakura scoffed. "He's arrogant, self-centered and his 'holier-than-though' attitude gets on my nerves."

"Well, he's pretty hot, not to mention a damn fine detective. Have you seen how many cases he's solved this month? The man's a crime-solving machine!" added Ino, partly because what she was saying was true and partly because she wanted to irritate Sakura. Yeah, she liked ruffling her friend's feathers, sue her…

"He's cocky, egotistic and audacious. I'm fine as long as he stays out of my way."

"Geez, Sakura. You're-"

"Dr. Haruno."

All three girls looked up at the sound of the new voice to see a young male with spiky raven hair and onyx eyes standing above them with an impassive expression on his face.

"Officer Uchiha. How may I help you?"

"A case just came in and Chief wants you to take a look at the crime scene."

Hearing those words, Sakura quickly sprang up from her seat before slipping on her lab coat that had been folded and placed on the seat beside her. Immediately throwing her remaining salad and her empty water bottle in the garbage can, she bid her friends a quick goodbye before following the young man who had already began walking away.

"What's the situation?" she asked as they walked, picking up her pace to match his long strides.

"A young woman was found murdered in an alley on the outskirts of town. Identity and cause of death, unknown."

Sakura nodded. "Who's taken over this case?"

"Detective Ren Kouen."

XxxOxOxOxxX

The crime scene was one of the messiest Sakura had ever had the misfortune of examining. There was blood everywhere and the poor girl had been slashed almost to the point that there was no part of her skin that wasn't covered in blood. Sighing heavily, Sakura immediately put on a pair of surgical gloves and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose before kneeling beside the body of the girl. She didn't particularly enjoy getting involved in the messy job-she very much preferred the precision her lab offered her-but cold detachment was the best solution in her line of profession. The moment a forensic pathologist began resenting getting involved in situations such as this was the moment they stopped being good at their job.

The young woman was covered in deep lacerations and Sakura narrowed her eyes at the sight of them. This wasn't the work of some scorned friend, jealous ex-boyfriend or even someone seeking revenge. The cuts had a pattern and were too precise to have been made by anyone less than an expert. They were also aimed at parts of the body that would cause a slow, painful death. This was the work of a trained assassin. It reminded her of one of the older cases she had studied as a trainee about an ancient killing method that members of underground organizations were known to use. A quick count of the lacerations told her all she needed to know. Immediately springing to her feet, she turned to the raven-haired male standing a feet away from her, conversing with a fellow police officer.

"Officer Uchiha!" she called, earning the man's attention. "I need you to contact the Chief immediately. This murder runs deeper than we thought. This is the work of-"

"I there a problem Dr. Haruno?"

Both officer Uchiha and Sakura turned at the sound of the new voice and Sakura fought down the urge to groan. For there, standing in all his handsome glory with his face as impassive as always, was none other than Detective Ren Kouen himself.

"Detective Ren." greeted Sakura laconically before refocusing her attention on the Uchiha. "Contact the Chief. I'm sure she'd want to see this for herself." The young male nodded at her before greeting the red-haired man standing beside her and taking his leave.

"Dr. Haruno, may I know what are you doing tampering with my crime scene?"

'_Tampering?'_ Sakura's eye twitched. "I was not aware that this was your crime scene, Detective."

"You are now. I would appreciate it if you didn't get in my way." replied the red-haired male as his penetrating scarlet eyes bore into her emerald ones. Their starring match was beginning to draw attention as the people closer to them gave them strange looks. Those who knew about the silent war between them didn't pay them any mind.

"I beg to differ. Chief Senju herself asked me to come take a look. I'd appreciate it if _you_ didn't get in _my_ way, Detective." she retorted in cold politeness and turned her back to him, fully intending to go back to examining the body of the unlucky young woman. She never got to it. All of a sudden, strong fingers wrapped around her forearm and started pulling her aside, her protests falling on deaf ears as the red-haired man continued dragging away from the crime scene. They made for a rather queer sight, that was for sure, and it drew looks from the police officers around the crime scene, even from some civilians that had gathered around to see what the commotion was about. It wasn't every day that you saw a detective dragging a forensic pathologist like she was a 5-year old; but their colleagues were aware of the dispute between them and some of the older police officers just shook their heads before turning back to what they had been doing. After all, murders didn't miraculously solve themselves.

Kouen continued pulling her aside and stopped only when they were some distance away from most people but still quite visible if anyone simply turned to look. For a while, Sakura kept her scowl in place as she looked up at him before her lips broke out in a breathtaking grin as his own stoic expression turned into a small but affectionate smile.

"Do you think they bought it?" asked Sakura with a light giggle, his tall frame hiding her from the people some feet away.

"I think they did." he replied, the hand that was previously curled around her forearm coming to rest on her waist.

"Really, Kouen, you need to stop doing things like this. Someone might see us. It is going to be so troublesome explaining to them why we kept it hidden for so long…"

The red-haired man raised an eyebrow at his girlfriend of three years. "Is it a bad thing that we want to keep people from meddling in our personal lives?"

"No, it's not. Man, Ino is going to throw such a fit when she finds out…" said Sakura while scratching the back of her head as images of a fuming Ino waving a fist at her entered her mind.

"Ino? The loudmouth blonde?"

"Yeah, her. Just make sure she doesn't get wind of you calling her that." she replied with another small giggle. "I need to go now. I still need to take a better look at that body and Tsunade is going to kill me if she arrives at the scene and I'm not there to give her a briefing. What do you want me to cook you for dinner tonight?" she asked as she looked up at him with a smile and watched his expression soften as his red eyes clashed with hers.

"Anything's fine with me as long it was your hands that made it."

Sakura's smile widened. Even though he would never admit it out loud, Kouen could be the sweetest person on the planet when it was just the two of them. "Okay then. See you tonight at home. Love you!" said Sakura and gave him a quick peck on the lips, his response reaching her ears as she walked away.

"Love you too…"

**THE END**

**Alright! New one-shot, people! I would have uploaded sooner but my computer broke down and I had to wait until it was fixed. God, at some point I almost lost all my files! *shudder* Such a nightmare! Anyway, KouenXSakura for this one as I promised and I always keep my promises. Another AU one-shot but I liked the idea so I thought I'd give it a go. I hope you liked it! Coming up next, a JafarXSakura one-shot because you've been asking for that like crazy! (^.^) Jafar has more fans than I thought! Until then….READ AND REVIEW!**

**Lots of love! **


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